It's Definitely Not About The Bike...For Me It's About Lies, Cheating, Double Standards And Yes, Forgiveness

For those of us who watch professional sports and engage in amateur sports, we develop our own secret, yet deeply personal relationships with the athletes we admire. For the most part, we never get to meet these athletes, let alone develop any real-life relationship with them; yet, these athletes inspire us, bring out the best in us, make us smile, make us cry, and sometimes, break our hearts.  In that respect, Lance Armstrong is like any other professional athlete...

In another respect, Armstrong also is like other athletes who have cheated and/or lied about behavior that directly impacted their sport.  Growing up I was a huge Pete Rose fan.  I remember watching "Charlie Hustle" with my mom and talking about how he gave every at-bat, every run around the bases, every catch, his absolute "all."  I played first base in softball so I could be like Pete Rose.  He epitomized the heart, the grit, the passion, the pure joy, of baseball.  So when he was banned for life from baseball for gambling on games, I was heartbroken...

In the summer of 1998, Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa re-ignited the country's passion for baseball.  I remember being mesmerized by every at-bat for those two that summer, completely caught up in who was going to break Roger Maris' homerun record.  Those two athletes made this country fall in love again with baseball.  And I remember sitting in my apartment, with tears of joy streaming down my face, when McGwire hit the record-breaking homer and Sosa ran out on the field to congratulate him.  Then, sometime later, as the story unfolded that these two likely took steroids during this historical homerun chase (as well as before that), I felt my heart breaking again...  

And now, once again, my heart has been broken by an athlete with whom I'd developed my own "relationship" - my own admiration, inspiration, and personal connection.  Lance Armstrong was the first athlete who got me interested in the Tour de France and cycling.  I'd read his book - It's Not About the Bike - and was captivated.  As a cancer survivor myself (thyroid cancer in 1996), I and virtually every cancer survivor in the world latched onto Lance's story.  He gave people more than hope...he gave them faith as only someone who has stared death in the face can give.  Faith that you can beat terrible diseases and come back to fight your way to the top.  Faith that a death sentence doesn't always come to fruition.  He carved out a place in my heart with his amazing story of cancer, marriage, children, and victory.  

So in 1997 when Armstrong launched Livestrong, I was fully on-board.  Shortly thereafter, my Grandpa was battling lung cancer.  So I immediately bought 200 Livestrong bands.  I kept several for myself and gave the rest to my mom and Grandpa to distribute to the staff and patients at the cancer center.  It was like I'd given them winning lottery tickets.  The faith that this little yellow band (unfortunately made in China) gave them, was priceless.  In nearly 16 years, I've only taken my Livestrong band off less than a handful of times.  I look at it to remind me of what I, my Grandpa, and other loved ones battled and overcame...  

In the summer of 2005, Lance once again reinvigorated my faith in life...particularly, my faith in a healthy life that includes endurance sports.  That July, while the Tour de France was in progress, I'd flown home to Nebraska to help with a surprise party we were throwing for my Grandpa's 80th birthday.  My brother and I went to his assisted living apartment the morning of the party to find my Grandpa lying on the floor, groaning in pain.  He'd fallen in the middle of the night and been there for hours.  After several days in the hospital, it seemed like his condition could persist for awhile, so we made the decision for me to go ahead and fly back to D.C.  While I was back home, I remember watching Armstrong win his 7th Tour de France....again, with tears streaming down my face.  I remember feeling so immeasurably certain in my ability to conquer anything based on what Lance had accomplished.  One day later - on July 25th - my Grandpa passed away....wearing his Livestrong band.  

And now....well now, my heart is once again breaking...

I defended Armstrong without any hesitation or doubt during all of these years that he's been accused of "doping."  

I believed him every time that he said that having cancer made him never want to put anything bad in his body.  I too want nothing but good things put into my body because if there's one thing that cancer makes you realize, it's that you don't ever want anything harmful in your body ever again.  

I believed in the fact that he was the most tested athlete ever and never tested positive for any illegal doping.  

In many ways, I put the same faith in him that I put in people with whom I have actual, personal relationships...

And as with some of my personal relationships, that faith was tested, shit on, and ripped to shreds like a bad bridesmaid's dress....

Yet, like every relationship where I've been on the receiving end of a truckload of lies, I still manage to find the silver lining(s) and the lesson(s) to be learned.  And I can honestly say that if I've forgiven people who have personally lied to me, stolen from me, or screwed me over, then I can certainly forgive Lance....

Armstrong's recent interview with Oprah certainly has people divided.  But what I find ironic is the failure in most blogs, newspaper articles, and media reports, to mention the comparison to other athletes who have lied, cheated, and, in some instances, gone much further than bullying.  The double standard that exists in professional sports disgusts me, yet no one else seems to notice...More importantly, the double standard we Americans perpetuate with professional athletes and superstars, is even more disgusting...So this is where it seems to be that Armstrong is not like other professional athletes - or at least not being treated like other athletes (except for maybe Pete Rose, who also has a lifetime ban).  

In January 2010 - nearly 12 years after the historic homerun chase - Mark McGwire admitted that he used steroids during 1998.  Like Armstrong, he cheated to accomplish his record-setting career and then lied about it for over a decade.  Yet, where is McGwire now?  An MLB hitting coach.  Armstrong, by contrast, faces a lifetime ban from USADA-sanctioned sports.  Now some may say that McGwire didn't "bully" anyone (as Armstrong described some of his own action) and didn't sue anyone who was actually telling the truth (like Armstrong admits he did).  Does that really matter when what's really at issue is the "crime against the sport?"  The USADA and other professional sports organizations don't (to my knowledge) possess the power to ban people for being bullies and initiating bad lawsuits; they do possess the power, however, to ban people for crimes against the sport, like doping and gambling.

Professional sports organizations also possess the power to ban or suspend people for illegal activity, e.g., DUI's, assaults, illegal drugs, and murder.  Yet, rarely, if ever, are such athletes banned for life from their sport.  Case in point, Michael Vick.  I don't truly hate anyone, but Vick comes as close as you can get with me.  Let's be clear:  Vick gave his permission for the brutal, inhumane killing of 6-8 fighting dogs who "underperformed," and later admitted to personally killing 2 dogs, one of which he hung by a rope and dropped over an edge.  And that's not to mention the whole illegal dog fighting gambling ring that he pled to.  Now let's compare to Armstrong...

Armstrong did not physically harm anyone or any living creature.  I don't care if someone felt bullied or pressured into blood doping, they're big boys and have to make their own choices.  Also, while Armstrong was a self-admitted jerk and inflicted a lot of mental and financial pain and suffering on people around him, that's all a far cry from Vick's actions of actual physical harm.  Yet three years after the NFL "indefinitely suspended" Vick, this convicted criminal was allowed to return to football glory.  On top of that, he has endorsements from such big sponsors as Nike.  Conversely, Armstrong (who it does not appear at this time will face criminal charges) faces a lifetime ban from cycling, triathlons, and running events.  Moreover, before Armstrong confessed, Nike dropped him like a bad habit.  How Nike can endorse someone like Vick while dropping someone like Armstrong is beyond me.   I will never buy anything from Nike again...

The notion that Vick "did his time" so he should be allowed to return to the NFL is irrelevant in my mind.  The time he did was to repay society in general for the crime he committed, which is what every convicted criminal must do.  That has nothing to do with damage he did to the NFL, his team, and his fans.  And this is where the double standard between athletes and us regular Joes really bothers me...

People claim that Vick should be allowed to return to the NFL, despite his abhorrent crimes, because that's all he knows how to do - play football.  Well, all Armstrong knows how to do is compete in cycling and triathlons.  So shouldn't the same consideration be given to Armstrong as was given to Vick?  More importantly, most "regular" people with 40-hour/week careers would not be afforded the same consideration.  I can tell you that being an attorney is all I know how to do, and I invested a lot more in my actual career from a financial perspective than Vick did.  I didn't have full-ride scholarship (but Vick did) and I have a huge student loan debt (which Vick did not).  If I get convicted of a crime or even commit an ethical (although not illegal) violation, I likely would be banned for life from the one thing that I know how to do:  practice law.  Why is the same standard not applicable to professional athletes?  I know that all professional sports are governed by different bodies, but it seems there should be one standard for all.  If you're going to allow Vick back into the NFL after the crimes he committed, then why shouldn't Armstrong be allowed back into professional cycling and triathlon?  If you're going to allow McGwire to become a coach after his admitted steroid use, then why now allow Armstrong back in?

If that's not enough, then look at one more example.  Bill Clinton.  Do I need to remind people of the phrase "I did not have sexual relations with that woman..."? The President of the United States - a position obviously more powerful than that of a professional cyclist - lied to the world.  Cheated on his wife.  Abused his public office.  Yet was he impeached, banned from politics, financially ruined, or even knocked off the public stage?  No.  If anything, Slick Willy is more popular and more financially well-off now than ever.  Why is Armstrong held to a more penalizing standard than the President of the United States?

So, in that respect, Armstrong certainly has not been treated like other athletes, or for that matter, like other non-athletes....

Unlike any of these other athletes I've mentioned, the American public seems so much more offended by Armstrong's lies.  I've read several articles or blogs where the writers said they felt like "chumps" because Armstrong lied to their faces all these years.  Really?  Who among us has not been lied to?  If the mere fact that someone lies to us makes us a chump, then maybe we all need to form a Chumps Anonymous support group.  If these writers think that Armstrong's lies somehow harmed their reputation as writers, I find that hard to believe.  Most of the country believed Armstrong's lies, and when you act, in good faith, on something that someone has told you, I don't think you have any personal fault.  Plus, I have yet to see or hear of anyone suffering in their reputation because they believed Armstrong's lies.  If you want to feel like a chump, why don't you try dating someone who told you he was divorced, "borrowed" $6,000 from you, turned out not to be divorced and, then, just vanished.  That happened to me and, yes, I was a chump because I didn't do my due diligence.  I just took his word for it.  But all of these writers, who did their due diligence and found the same evidence and information that we all did, do not in my view qualify as chumps just because they were the brunt of a very convincing, well-planned lie.  Further, if Armstrong's own son, Luke - who vehemently defended his father - didn't feel like a chump, then how can you?

The people who deserve the most to be offended and hurt are those whom Armstrong "bullied," those whom he wrongfully sued, and those whom he slandered.  Those people were directly and personally impacted by Armstrong's actions.  The most that the rest of us - the mere admirers who put Armstrong and other athletes up on a pedestal - are entitled to is disillusionment and disappointment.

If you're pissed off at Armstrong, you're wasting your energy.  Like most people with whom we are angry, they usually never know or care.  And even if they do know or care, the person investing the most negative energy on the anger is you.

If you'll never again be a fan of Armstrong, then that's your choice.  If you say you will never forgive him, then I ask you:  how many of your friends or family have lied to you?  How many times have you forgiven them? And, more importantly, how many times have you lied, or even cheated?  Whether you were caught or not, don't you hope to be forgiven by those you've wronged?  More importantly, did Armstrong ever inspire you to be more than you thought you could be, or to fight cancer, or to start an endurance sport?  If so, and yet you're so quick now to abandon your support of him, maybe you should consider whether you were a real fan to begin with...

Armstrong was dead-on when he wrote and said "It's Not About The Bike."  It never was.  The bike was a means to an end....the means to a career, financial security, popularity, and health.  But as Armstrong recognized back then and now in his Oprah interview, there are so many more important things, like fighting cancer.  For yet another comparison, I'll throw this out there:  how many of the other athletes I mentioned initiated a movement that inspired and helped so many people?  At the end of the day, if there's one good thing to come of all of this, it's the existence of the fact that Armstrong established one of the most powerful organizations out there today:  Livestrong.

I've seen people bash Livestrong because it doesn't fund cancer research. That's not the mission of the organization.  The mission of Livestrong is to:

"empower the cancer community to address the unmet needs of cancer survivors.  To do so, we encourage collaboration, knowledge-sharing and partnership.  Then, we develop evidence-based solutions to address both the common and unique problems survivors are facing around the world."

Livestrong has helped provide resources, counseling, and advice to millions of cancer survivors and their families, myself included.  It fills a need for information and support that previously did not exist.  Ironically, if Armstrong hadn't won a single Tour de France (let alone seven) after beating his cancer, it's questionable whether Livestrong would have been formed.  I don't think that justifies his doping by any means...I simply point it out in an effort to take something positive out of this entire mess.  And while Livestrong certainly got it's start because of its association with Armstrong, it just as certainly has thrived on its own and can continue to thrive without him.

Some people have urged Livestrong to change its name to get away from the "strong" part of the name - an obvious association with ArmSTRONG.  Although Armstrong's name was the inspiration for Livestrong, it doesn't embody the current meaning of Livestrong - at least not for me.  To me it means survivor, strength, and faith.  And for that reason, I will continue to wear my Livestrong band....

So I ask - will you forgive Armstrong?  To be sure, the man has a lot of work to do, amends to make with those he wronged, and personal growth to achieve.  I truly hope for the sake of him and his family, that he can do all of that.  Why would I forgive him for cheating, lying, and all his other jerk-ish actions?  Because I would want the same. Because we imperfect humans are supposed to forgive.  As much as it pains me, I have to forgive Vick for his heinous crimes; but, I don't have to like him or be a fan.  You certainly have the same prerogative when it comes to Armstrong.  But at the end of the day, it's not about the lies, the cheating, the double standards or even the bike...It's about forgiveness...